My mother once gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah.
The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one.
As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, “What’s the matter? You didn’t like the other one?”
A young man calls his mother and says he would like to bring his girlfriend home to meet his parents. Mama is thrilled — he’s never brought a girl home before! So Friday night, the table is set, the candles are ready to be lit, the challa and wine are on the table, and the doorbell rings. Mama opens the door to find her son accompanied by a stunningly beautiful and clearly Native American woman. “Hello, Mrs. Cohen,” she says, “I’m Running Deer.” “Hello, Dear,” replies Mama, “I’m Sitting Shiva.”
Three men, an Italian, a Frenchman, and a Jew, were condemned to be executed. Their captors told them that they had the right to have a final meal before the execution. They asked the Frenchman what he wanted.
“Give me the best French wine and French bread,” he requested.
So they gave it to him, he ate it, and then they executed him. Next it was the Italian’s turn.
“Give me a great big plate of pasta,” said the Italian.
So they brought it to him, he ate it, and then they executed him. Now it was the Jew’s turn.
“I want a big bowl of strawberries, ” said the Jew.
“Strawberries!!! They aren’t even in season!”
“Nu, so I’ll wait…”
Two historian, one Chinese, one Jewish, are comparing notes.
Says the Chinese historian: “You know, we have the world’s oldest culture. It goes back 4,000 years!”
“Sorry, we have that beat,” the Jewish historian. “Our culture is 5,000 years old!”
The Chinese historian’s mouth gapes. “Wow! Where did your people eat for 1,000 years?”
A young man calls his mother and says he would like to bring his girlfriend home to meet his parents. Mama is thrilled… he’s never brought a girl home before! So Friday night, the table is set, the candles are ready to be lit, the challah and wine are on the table, and the doorbell rings. Mama opens the door to find her son accompanied by a stunningly beautiful and clearly Native American woman.
“Hello, Mrs. Cohen,” she says, “I’m Running Deer.”
“Hello, Dear,” replies Mama, “I’m Sitting Shiva.”