All Jews celebrate Christmas. I know that might sound a little hard to believe, but it’s true. No they don’t put up fancy trees, hang wreaths and stockings, or go to midnight mass, but they do celebrate, and they do it at one of their favorite places, Chinese restaurants.
Jewish people love Chinese food. Show me a Jew that doesn’t love beef and broccoli or chug pow chicken and I’ll tell you to check his birth certificate, because he my friend, is not a Hebrew. Chinese foods is as Jewish as dreidels and sleep away camp. It’s just as important as college degrees and Bar Mitzvahs. If 75% percent of the body is made up of water, for Jews at least, the other 25% is made up of lo mein, egg rolls, and duck sauce. There’s something about the way those little China men cook that wanton soup that makes our Hebrew hearts smile. If we can’t get to the restaurant, then we’ll order take out. As long as we can get our weekly fix of fortune cookies everything is going to just fine. Chinese food is surely the chosen food of the chosen people.
Are you kidding me? Did you really just call them “china men?” Maybe you jews love chinese food because instead of you wasting your own gas, you can get these “china men” to deliver and you could leave a $3 tip, you jew. Or maybe you “jew men” like chinese food so much because they’re cheap. Jew.
Despite his vengeful anti-Semitic rant, he’s right. “Little china men” might not be the most proper nomenclature, my friend. Hey, we’re all a little sensitive in this modern world. Nevertheless, the gist of the written piece was essentially a paean to Chinese food, and that is much appreciated. That said, I love Jews! I might start a Chinese restaurant just to bait me a Jewish wife!
Always love that wanton soup.