Before Jews came to Florida for two reasons… to retire and to visit they’re grandparents… who had already retired. But the warm weather, cookie cutter suburbs, and business opportunities have keep Jews coming by the truck load (BMW 5 series… in case you were wondering what truck was bringing the Hebrews to their new home). Matter of fact in the last twenty years so many Jews have decided to lay roots and start families in Florida that the average age of a Jew in the state of Florida has gone from 90 to almost 78 (that’s still good for a discount movie ticket).

Will Florida ever be Israel? No, but there’s a Falafal place in North Miami Beach that would make you think you’re in Tel Aviv. Will the rapid influx in Jewish people help elect a Jewish state governor? Maybe, but for the time being we are only concerned with taking over the media. Will temples keep popping up in the hearts of suburban communities all across the Sun Shine State? Yes, and on some holidays the community will actually fill them up.

All Jews celebrate Christmas. I know that might sound a little hard to believe, but it’s true. No they don’t put up fancy trees, hang wreaths and stockings, or go to midnight mass, but they do celebrate, and they do it at one of their favorite places, Chinese restaurants.

Jewish people love Chinese food. Show me a Jew that doesn’t love beef and broccoli or kung pao chicken and I’ll tell you to check his birth certificate, because he my friend, is not a Hebrew. Chinese foods is as Jewish as dreidels and sleep away camp. It’s just as important as college degrees and Bar Mitzvahs. If 75% percent of the body is made up of water, for Jews at least, the other 25% is made up of lo mein, egg rolls, and duck sauce. There’s something about the way those little China men cook that wonton soup that makes our Hebrew hearts smile. If we can’t get to the restaurant, then we’ll order take out. As long as we can get our weekly fix of fortune cookies everything is going to be just fine.

Chinese food is surely the chosen food of the chosen people.